Dealing with Anger in the Home

Physical, emotional and spiritual abuse happens in non-Christian families as well as Christian families. In Christian homes, many times the abuse is not addressed to the person doing the abuse and can lead someone (spouse or children) not to want Christ if the family members are not modeled love in the home. As a child, when they see and hear destructive talk coming from their parents towards them or geared towards another person or each other, they are more likely to misinterpret who God is. The child could want no part of God because they are being abused and emotionally disconnected with the parents. As parents, we are to model “Christ” in our home. If we feel as though we have a good relationship with Him and we don't have fellowship with our spouse or children, then you are being deceived.

Something needs to change.

God cares about our hearts and what is happening inside of us, not what we appear to be doing for Him. Going to church and worshipping may look like someone has it all together, but lets get real; You never know what is going on behind closed doors. Christian followers can easily do what they have always done or keep “tools” they were taught as children or learned as adults. It is easy to do it the same way you have always done things:

Yell, argue, fight, disagree…put blame on the other person, lie, cheat, steal…

manipulate the situation or person…only see things from your perspective, thinking no good thoughts about others, holding grudges and unforgiveness…

Allow hurt, injustice, fear or frustration to make us furious…

Have you ever reacted in anger, showing unkind words to your spouse or children and later regretted it? Anger can cloud our judgment. We may react more harshly to give revenge and let them know how we “really” feel, only to feel miserable at the end and feel even more disconnected from our loved ones.

So how do we really separate ourselves from the destructive thoughts and behaviors and live out a life that shows we love our spouse and children, despite how we feel? You can learn to keep your anger under control.

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control”

(Proverbs 29:11)

You can be angry, but do not sin!

Has anyone ever taken his or her anger out on you? What did it feel like? What came of it? What if they had handled it differently? What if you responded differently?

Many times people react to how they feel inside; if they feel like a mess, they may vomit all over you. But it is up to us to realize it is not you. They are the ones dealing with something inside of them that is making them react that way. We can easily get offended by the way people treat us and can react in unforgiving ways towards them, which shows we are not “Christians” or at least not behaving like one. We can easily mistaken someone else’s rudeness and take it in personally.

So what is the missing link?

We need to have compassion towards one another. God is longsuffering towards us and patient with us…we have to demonstrate who He is and since this is His character, we have to know this is how we are to treat others, especially our family and loved ones. I know what you are thinking, “Jesus was angry at the Pharisees, at the temple when they were taking money from the people”- He demonstrated righteous anger…it was for an injustice, but he did not go further than that.

Are you able to stop your anger before it becomes slander or master it before it becomes malicious? Anger must be resolved before it becomes sinful and if handled inappropriately, can give Satan a foothold in your life and relationships (Eph 4:27).

We can easily become bitter towards our loved ones and others, but God wants us to become better, He wants us to demonstrate who He is…and since He is love, that's who we are. But we have to be willing to do things a new way. God gave us His commandment to love one another just as He has loved us, what better way to demonstrate His love than to give it to someone who's unworthy of it? I know I was unworthy of His love when He saved me, it's only vital for me to give the same gift to others in return to demonstrate that I love Him for what He has done for me.

Lets pray:

Heavenly Father, thank you for always knowing how to draw us closer to You. We thank You for Your goodness, grace and mercy towards us. There is nothing that You didn’t already provide for us and give us according to Your purposes. I repent for thinking bad thoughts towards my loved ones, not showing your love and character through my thoughts and behaviors and ask for more of Your patience and mercy with me as I learn to grow in this area. I need you to show me a new way to show me how not to sin in my anger, You promised me a way out in my temptation to sin, so I ask for my eyes and ears to be open to You when a situation comes. I ask for Your forgiveness for the way I have mistreated my loved ones and others and ask for You to restore the broken relationships I may have caused or damaged. I know all things are possible through Your Son, Jesus, we ask you this in His name, Amen.